I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
