He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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