Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
