I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
