Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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