I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Everything about him screamed your future.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
