This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
