What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
