i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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