C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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