dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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