Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
