We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
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...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
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I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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