I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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