i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
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if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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