I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
