Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
