what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.