White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.