Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.