I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.