I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.