the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.