i need an iv and a liver transplant
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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