Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
