wat bout pragnant strippers??
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
