Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
