Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
