do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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