I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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