I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
