that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
