found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
