so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How external is "for external use only"?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
