"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
