I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
