You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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