11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
