we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
