We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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