I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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