Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
