Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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