What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize