The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
