Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
