Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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