so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
