i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
