you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
