its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
