I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Randomize
