My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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