Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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