all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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