Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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