Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
