Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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