How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
