Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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