Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
