im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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