"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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