Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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