it's like iHOP with fire
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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