Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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