So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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