Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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