dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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