the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
