omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
