maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
