I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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