I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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