I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
