Someone shit on the floor
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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