She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
